Monday, January 28, 2013


It is no secret that I spend a lot of time at my keyboard.  The brightness of the screen is my office space.  This corner of the couch is my desk.

Some days I don't want to do anything.  I sit here staring at the blinking cursor on my screen and wish I could just curl up in the warmth of my keyboard and take a sabbatical from my life.

But as a mother, I'm not allowed to completely lose myself  in the online world for too long, so I look for motivators to get me up and moving.

I think you all know I love the written word.  Words are what propel me forward.  Words are powerful.  So it shouldn't come as much of a surprise to any of you that my keyboard looks like this.

I have a ring that says, "Hope."

I have three bracelets:  One that says "Courage."  One that says "Expect Miracles." And the last that says "You can do this."

Next to me there is long piece of metal that says, "Faith Hope Love."

In front of me there is a bright red sign that reads, "Keep Calm and Carry on."

There is a plaque on the mantle that says, "When I count my blessings, I count you twice."

There is another plaque by the calendar, "We might not have it all together, but together we have it all."

These are my reminders.

Reminders that I am blessed and need to keep moving.  That I CAN keep moving.  I read them every day.  I have to pump myself up EVERY day.  Each morning a new process of believing in myself begins.

Which leads me to today.  This very moment, actually.  I promised myself I'd head over to the college today to talk about programs that might work for me.

Hibernation sounds really appealing right now.

I don't know why I'm so emotional about this.  Taking this step seems easy enough...but there is a wall.

I think the wall is fear.

Riding home from bringing the boys to school I listened to that song that, in our area anyway, plays over and over and over again...but on this day the lyrics continue to echo in my ears...

"Just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die.  You gotta get up and try."

I knew I needed to write those words down and actually LOOK at them.

And now that I have, I'm going to get up.  I'm going to go rekindle my relationship with the treadmill.  And then I will shower and I will drive over to the college and I will walk into the door and I will ask for help.

Man, I'm such a baby.  Why are the tears so flipping relentless?

I don't think the fear stems from the actual act of going to the college.  I think it is the act of walking towards a new life, and away from the old one.

Thinking about that burns.

But I'm not going to die.

So after I publish this....I'm going to get up and try.


  1. Yes!!! You got this today!! I'm so impressed with your determination. You dig deep on these hard days and you find it. Awesome!!!

  2. Yay, Meri!! You can do this, I know you can!! (Hugs)) <3

  3. This applies to our lives with diabetes in so many ways, doesn't it? We try each day. Try. Try. Try. Some days it goes Ok. Other days it's a disaster. But we just keep trying. And that is what makes us who we are.

  4. I had the words to this song written all over my locker & folders in high school...helped me deal with so much in life, diabetes related and otherwise. You don't know me, but {{{hugs}}} and I believe in you :)

  5. Meri as a diabetic I just need you to know that people like you are the reason I pick myself up in the morning and decide that diabetes is not going to control my fate. Your children are so lucky to have such a strong woman in their lives because your love will forever be the difference between giving up and fighting.

  6. I love to have words of encouragement all around me to keep me motivated too. One saying that helps me when I am staring at the wall of fear is "Courage is just fears that have said their prayers, so be brave". It has helped me so many times. Keep getting up and trying, one step at a time, one day at a time. (((hugs)))

  7. Meri I read this a while ago and wasn't sure how to post, I think so often about your family and how you're beyond an inspiration - I don't think that word quite fits, you're more. You're so real that inspiring seems less fitting, at least in my mind, you are somebody who seems to coach everybody from are talented, caring, loving, many incredible attributes. I hope you find a perfect fit at the college you choose, but know that you have some unique talents, not many people touch so many with such tender honesty. I've found a blog that talks a lot about finding your passion and following it, I wonder if you'd be interested her name is tara mohr, , that's her home page. She is quite the feminist, which I don't feel is your passion (although you're all for equality) but a lot of her words resonate with me in terms of talking myself out of passions and dreams, thinking my "expertise" isn't expert enough...anyhow. I wanted to share. I just know that there is a whole world out there that would benefit from knowing, hearing, and having more contact with you. I don't know how you do it, but you make me feel like I am not alone. Keep us posted.


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