Sunday, May 13, 2012

We are the D Mothers

We are called D Moms.  D Mamas.   Even Type 3's.

Sometimes we get a bad rap.

~We're too "intense."

~We worry too much.

~We are overbearing.

~We over think.

~We over react.

~We over manage.

And I only have one thing to say about all of that...

You are probably right.

I want to tell you that if you are a parent, you can understand.

But that is not true.

I want to tell you that if you have diabetes yourself, you can understand.

But that is not true either...just as I will never fully understand your diabetic life,
you will never fully understand mine.

The only way you would understand what goes on in the swelly brain of a D Mama,
is if you were a D Mama yourself.

We are special.  Chosen for our story, as you were chosen for yours.

We are fighters, and we will fight until our last breath to keep our children safe.

New technologies like fast acting insulin and insulin pumps provide keys for better management, but they also provide a clear and present danger at all times.

We have to be vigilant.

We look into the eyes of our children and we love them with a bright tenderness.  We want more than anything for them to live a life free from restrictions, free from prejudice, free from complications, free from emergency rooms and hospitals.

We feel a responsibility well beyond any bounds of normalcy.  We do not want to live a life of regrets.  One day we will need to look into the eyes of our adult Type 1 Children and we want more than anything to say...
"I did my best."

The mothers of Type 1's spend every day racked with guilt.   Every blood sugar number pierces our heart.  We feel responsible for every high and every low.

An argument can be made that diabetes is responsible for every one of those numbers, but in our eyes...whether a reasonable notion or not, we feel they are a reflection of our efforts.

We may not always admit it to you, or to ourselves...but we take those numbers personally.

The A1C isn't called the mommy report card for nothing.

We do not sleep.  That is a choice.  We choose to keep a close eye on the numbers while the world takes a break.  We don't take breaks.  We know that waking up with a off number can domino to the rest of the day. 

We know that pancreases sputter.

We know the soccer game from 5 hours earlier can affect the nighttime numbers.
(Yet we urge them to play.)

We know that Pizza can wreak havoc hours after consumption, and we know that Chinese food for dinner means a sleepless night for us.
(Yet we delight in serving them their favorites anyway.)

We know that diabetes never sleeps.  That is why we don't either.

We know that a 200 can turn into a 52 in 30 minutes flat.

We know that on field trip days our children may spike with excitement, or bottom out from activity.

We know nothing is for sure.

So we check, and constantly ask our children how they are feeling...and we hover...watching every move...looking for changes in our children's faces...changes in their gait...tiny beads of sweat on the back of their necks...we know the signs of lows.  We know our children better than anyone else.

We love hard.

We try hard.

We cry hard.

We hug hard.

We hope hard.

We stress hard.

We are hard on ourselves.

We are D mamas.   

Don't judge us because we fret over the details.  To us...Our Diabetic Life is all about the details.

We are 100% responsible for the well being of children we love more than anything on this blessed green earth.

No, we will not back off.

No, we will not calm down.

No, we will not stop making noise.

As mothers, we know that our children are special.  Diabetes makes them stronger.  It makes them resilient, responsible, amazing.  It gives them a sense of humor.  It makes them grow up too fast, and let's them spread their wings too slow.

We wish we could take away the pain. 

We wish it were us.


We are warriors.


We are D Moms.


Hear.   Us.   Roar.


34 comments:

  1. Fantastic! All you "Type 3's" out there have my admiration--and my prayers that The Cure is found soon! Go, D Moms!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Crying. So, so true. Love you, Meri! Happy Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am bawling my eyes out! So true! Happy Mother's Day to you- from one D Mamma to another!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Best post EVER Meri! We love you, and I hope you have a great Mothers day for YOU!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beautiful. Happy Mother's Day, Meri.

    (I think this should be presented to all administrators and staff in conjunction with 504 planning.)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love it! <3 Hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hip Hip Hooray for Meri! You always know what to say. This is so true and although others don't get what it is like to be a DMom, your posts give them a glance into what our lives are like.
    God Bless you Meri and the rest of your family.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you for writing this about being a D Mom!! <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. Beautifully written - got me crying, too. Thank you, and happy mother's day!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. thank you Meri, you express so beautifully what I feel

    ReplyDelete
  11. Crying....because you said it so well and because I'm exhausted from working, homeschooling and *trying* to be the best darn pancreas that I can be. Meri....love, love, love, LOVE you! Thank you for this.

    ReplyDelete
  12. <33333

    happy happy happy happy mother's day to you meri!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Tears here, too. SO so true, every word.

    Can we get this set to music as the Battle Hymn for all D-moms?

    You put it into words much better than I did, so I'm linking my Mother's Day post to yours!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Such perfection with your words. Thank-you!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Truer words have never been written. My own husband tells me I worry too much. But type 1 requires vigilence and diligence.Period. 24/7. No time off.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You should consider entering this in the TuDiabetes poetry contest! Also I must add that my hubby meets all this criteria as an awesome and super-involved D Daddy. :-) Stacy Lavery

    ReplyDelete
  17. JUST AMAZING!! thank you <3

    ReplyDelete
  18. Roar!! (That means, I love it!!!) My favorite line "Chosen for our story, as you were chosen for yours." So so true. Happy Happy Mother's Day to a very special Mama!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Christi, fellow DMomMay 14, 2012 at 7:29 AM

    Absolutely beautifully said. No apologies. You said it so honestly and perfectly. I have copied it and am keeping it forever. Thank you and bless you! I pray for your family every day. Keep the faith sister.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Way to say it!! And when those little D children grow up to be great young adults, 18 & 21 year olds, you still worry!!!!!!! Forever! You hope you teach them to manage their lives well.
    from another DMom!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Shedding tears over my breakfast...beautiful Meri! Happy Mothers Day from one D mama to another! XO

    ReplyDelete
  22. Did it again, Meri!
    Blessings to you :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. After our first day of forgetting a meal shot and seeing 430... thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. My daughter's father is Type 1 and doesn't understand either. Things are much different from when he was diagnosed 20 years ago at 16 and he wants to give her insulin as if she were no longer honeymooning and and adult.

    We must keep on fighting!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thank you. To read another mom's words as though they were from my own mind is support beyond belief. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I count on my fellow D Moms for wisdom, understanding and unspoken compassion. Not sure where I would be without them on this journey. Thank you for putting it into words.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You took the words right out of my swelly brain!

    ReplyDelete
  28. One of the most inspiring things I have read as a dmom. Great job!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thank you. This is perfect.
    Dorrie
    Dmom to Luke Diagnosed at 2

    ReplyDelete
  30. I love your writing. You constantly inspire me. Crying as i read this.
    Mom to 8 year old Chloe T1 . DD august 20112

    ReplyDelete

Comments=Love
Moderation now enabled, so comments will not immediately be seen.