We are very aware that we should be angry, confused and screaming at the fates.
We know we should be withering in a corner shaking with fear and confusion.
But that isn't how it is around the Schuhmacher house these days. There is something bigger at work in our hearts. That something is faith.
We are cognizant of the fact that faith can seem like a fantastic thing. The Lord knowing of our family personally and in turn blessing us with those things we stand in need of can seem practically impossible.
But although it may seem so, at this moment in time we are sure as the day is long that we are being carried by His love.
Ryan and I sat in bed last night and tried to explain to each other the way we were feeling. It is so difficult to describe. Both of us feel like our hearts have stopped beating, but not in a scary...we are going to faint any minute kinda way...it is more of a peaceful calm that has canceled out the buzz of our diagnosis shock. It is pretty unexplainable. How can we feel such peace in such a scary time? It is very surreal.
It is obvious to us that there is a divine hand in all of this.
If you would have asked me a couple weeks ago, I would have told you that the world was full of mostly selfish people who are really bad drivers. Sure, there were pockets of good people all around, but in my limited focus, that wasn't the norm. I lived in a bubble, completely absorbed in Our Diabetic Life. I couldn't look past the annoyances of the world and see people's hearts for what they were.
Well...the bubble has burst. And I see with perfect clarity the overlying goodness of the people in the world. I'm angry at myself for having to go through a crisis such as this to see. People mask their goodness by their hurt sometimes, and it is painfully obvious to me now, that almost everyone is hurting from something. Good lives. And in our case, it has prevailed.
It is almost unfathomable the outpouring of support and love we have received throughout the diabetic community and beyond. Our church family, our blood family, our earth family...they have all reached out to us, and we feel more than anything, abundantly blessed.
We are crying ALL the time. But it isn't due to despair...it is because we are constantly touched by the thoughts and prayers of all of you. Every note, every song, every picture, every blog, every status, every tweet, every call, every meal, every hug, every well wish is burned into our hearts. We are trying hard to accept all the love. It seems silly how easy it is to give love, and so hard it is receive it.
Ryan and I have changed. In one week we are different people. Seems impossible, but I promise it is true. We see the world and every person within in a different light. We feel our Father in Heaven wrapping his arms around us, and we truly believe that our miracle is in the works.
Your prayers and good works are making a difference. We feel them...they are as tangible as the keyboard my fingers type on this moment.
Ryan was never a facebook, twitter or blogging kinda guy. Now, when he wakes up at night and can't sleep he turns on my computer and reads the love. He wants to send a personal message to all of you. That will come soon.
Until then I want to leave you with this quote I found:
"The scriptures say that there must be an opposition in all things. The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.
Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father. There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope. As one writer expressed, “in the depth of winter, we find within us an invincible summer.”"
Our family has officially made the decision to Hope. It didn't come at one moment, but rather through small doses of encouragement and prayer throughout this week. Your prayers have brought us the peace we needed to get to this place. Saying thank you is totally insufficient. You have saved us from despair.
How will we ever repay you for that?
God bless each one of you for your goodness.