Thursday, October 7, 2010

A Very Meri World.

Happy No D Day!

Ok, I’m not a proponent of Dictatorships or anything…but I often have fantasies of ruling the world. Let’s face it, if I ruled the world …good things would happen. I understand I don’t have magic powers or anything, so the changes I would make would be TOTALLY practical…take a looksie…

* Certain Medical supplies that may or may not have to do with the D word would cost 1 penny each. (OK, I’m already starting with my mind on the D word…so I’ll leave the things I would change in regards to that for another day.)

* If you don't stop completely at a four way stop…or if you don’t wait your turn…I would install spikes that would come up out of the ground and pop your tires.

* No road work, no paving, and no construction would be allowed during the hours of 8-9am when kids are being brought to school by wonderful parents who only want to get their children there ON TIME.

* Three’s a crowd would be law at every grocery, Costco and Target store. No lines longer than 3 people, PERIOD!

* Speaking of Target, there would be one in every town.

* Politicians could not say ONE bad thing about the person they are running against. They could only talk about themselves and what they bring to the table. Furthermore, during debates there would be practical TIMED exercises that would show the public if the politicians could even do the job they were running for. For example, if they were running for California Legislature, they would be required to show us they could balance their OWN flippin’ check books.

* I would make sure that Rosie the Robot was invented immediately, along with air tubes that take you from one place to another. (Which I understand makes my no road work rule null and void, but I know Rosie and Air Tubes will take a bit of time…I told you I was going to be practical.)

* Products would have to do what they are advertised to do. And they would have to work as well as their commercials imply.

* I would impose a decree that every day, at 8:00pm, parents would have to tell their child/children that they love them and list off reasons why they think their children are wonderful.

* People who do things with the intent to kill their children…such as withholding lifesaving medicine…would not get 6 years in jail…they would get automatic life sentences.

* Stirrup pants would be banned.

* Jerry Springer and Geraldo Rivera would be forced into retirement.

(hmmm…I’m getting a little mean now…I’ll try to back off.)

* I would un-cancel The Unusuals.

* Classes on empathy would be a pre-requisite for any job in the medical, educational or pharmaceutical professions.

* Properly trained Service dogs would be everywhere…even if the service they are providing is happiness.

* And I’m pretty sure I would get rid of Thursdays. I’m still mulling that one over…

This is just the stuff I have rattled off from the top of my head. Imagine if I actually had TIME to think of more! The possibilities would be endless!

So what would you do? Anything pop into your head while you were reading through my insanity?

Let me know…I’m now keeping a running list.

Just in case…you know…I take over the world or whatever.


  1. How about instead of getting rid of Thursdays you mandate a 4-day work-week? Thursdays would be the new Friday and we'd all get an extra day for our weekends! And can we add skinny jeans to the stirrup pants ban? LOVE the politicians one! They should all be able to manage their own homes and check books before attempting to manage ours!

  2. love it and BTW I will like to put my name in for a Rosie!!

    I also think a rule of husbands cleaning the house **WHOLE HOUSE** and making dinner at least once a week is needed!!

    I also think that every millionaire athlete, actor...what have you must care for at least one starving child in the world!!

    Great list and I would be happy to live in your dictatorship :)

  3. Nicole that is so funny! When I was driving the kids to school this morning I thought of one similar to that: If you are going to buy a 10 million dollar house, the only way to qualify is to feed 10 hungry children for one year first. :)

  4. I would totally vote for you Meri! Here are my additions:
    Health insurance for all. Period.
    Answers to medical tests in 24 hours or less.
    People who work for insurance companies and Verizon and the DMV have to take your empathy class too.
    And last but not least, add the Jetson food delivery system to every house WITH Carb counts.

  5. This was great. My addition is that when your very young child is diagnosed with Type 1 that they stick a CGM on one butt cheek, an OmniPod on the other and send the parents home with a case of wine instead of that stupid Pink Panther book meant for grade schoolers.

  6. Oh - The Unusuals - how dare they leave us hanging like that.

  7. These are great!

    You have my vote, as long as you add in something with bacon. I need to have bacon daily. :)

  8. Yay on stirrup pants. And while we're at it, no jeggings either!

    Your humble future servant ;)

  9. Thought stirup pants were already illegal.

    Anyhow, Love it....

    Can you also require a permit before some people a driver's test for parenting?

    And can we have the spiky tire things installed in parking lots too for people that feel the need to fly through them at top speeds?

    Ok, great!! Thanks!!

  10. YAY FOR TARGETS!!! WE HAVE NONE PEOPLE...NONE in VERMONT. Now that is just down right wrong, mean, and insensitive of whoever is in control of Target placements around this great nation. Meri you are hired!

  11. OMG - that is such a great list but I cannot freaking believe Reyna doesn't have a Target. I'm so sad for her right now!!

    Also, Anna above cracked me up! True dat! CGM and a Pump would be SO much better than MDI and Pink Panther. Oh yea - and don't forget the wine!!

    I would like to live in Meri's world!! It sounds nice there!

  12. LOVE this list!

    I'd like to see affordable health insurance and top-notch health care for all.

    A four-day weekend every week would be nice, too. :)

    Reyna, no Target???? How far is upstate NY? I know they have Target in Albany! Just trying to help, my friend! ;)

  13. Common sense would not be so... you know... common. And people would find their manners or else.

  14. Ok, first...I waited like a whole 2 minutes for your page to load only to realise you had just taken off the banner. Prankster!

    I completely agree with the empathy and advertising. Not so much on stirrup pants. They bring back good memories!

  15. I'll vote for you!
    Ummm, nearest Target - an hour away...

  16. Hmmm......

    All public restrooms would be required to have a step stool so children can wash their hands appropriately.


  17. Can we list off reasons we love our kids at 8AM instead of PM? Just wrangled the last into bed, and not feelin' all the love right now.

    Other than that, you have my vote!

  18. I would like to sign the petition to rid the world of stirrup pants. It's a noble cause, for sure.

  19. How about some special machine that makes others sound like they're saying "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH" whenever they want to complain about having no money while drinking Starbucks, holding a new Gucci bag, sporting freshly manicured nails and perfectly highlighted hair - especially if you've just gotten off the phone with the insurance company, pump supplier, or pharmacy.
    How about those cars that just fly with nobody needing to do anything but get in, that would ease many parents minds about their children's safety behind the wheel.
    I'd ban texting at the table of restaurant, oh heck I think I'd ban cell phones at the table PERIOD...just seems RUDE unless it's being utilized as a social prop like to take pictures, or share a funny video.
    Hmmm...well that's all I've got for now:)

  20. Love the list!! I would also make sure there is a Target in every town, I LOVE Target! I also agree with the lines at Cosco and Target and about the politicians. Oh, yeah and the stirrup pants. I hate those things!!!

  21. I want to live in Meri-World!
    FYI - I HEART THe Unusuals and not just because my niece Cristin played the sketch artist on the show and was in 3 episodes ;)

  22. you've got my vote, sister! also, imagine my surprise when I came in to comment about banning jeggings and someone else already had. NICE!


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