Monday, March 26, 2012
Ryan slipped off to bed early the other night, so I grabbed a blanket and spent a couple hours watching 30 Rock episodes OnDemand. I'm not an avid watcher, but the sitcom provided me with a host of mindless giggles, which totally served its purpose of keeping my thoughts on lighter things.
In one particular episode, Jenna was uber excited that her boyfriend was coming back into town. Apparently these two had a pretty hot and heavy/crazy-like relationship, and as such she was expecting a long adventurous night with her man. Turns out though, they were both so tired from their long day they ended up falling asleep before anything crazy could happen. The next day, in an effort to make falling asleep seem not so lame, they gave what happened a "kinky" new sub name: "Normaling." They spent the next few weeks doing things that only "normal" couples would do. Going to Bed Bath and Beyond, and spending hours deciding where the best place in the living room a certain chair would fit best. In the end it was realized that "Normaling" was really them transitioning into a steady, normal relationship. It wasn't this exiting cutting edge phenomenon after all...
It seems to me that this is what Ryan and I are doing right now.
We are Normaling.
We spend our days thrilling in the fact that we are doing perfectly normal things. It seems unnatural these days to go to the store and have a conversation about the succulent tastes of different kinds of oranges. It seems unnatural, but we partake anyway. Awkwardly, yet happily in what seem to be our "roles" in this episode of our life.
We are playing the part of normal.
"How are you feeling, Babe?"
"Hanging in there. How about you?"
"What would you like for lunch?"
"Oh Lucchesi's deli sounds good to me!"
"Oh, we are out of eggs."
"I'll run by the store later this afternoon."
Blogging this post right at this moment?
It all FEELS like we are reciting lines from a script.
We know how our days are supposed to play out. We know our cues, we know our lines...and we spend our days convincing each other that our performances are natural rather than scripted.
I know as we continue to play our parts, life will gradually become less awkward.
As an extension of all this normaling I feel as though I'm an understudy in my pancreatic duties as well. Changing sets, counting carbs, nighttime checks...they don't come as naturally as they used to. There's no flow.
The other day the boys ate lunch and I didn't have them check their sugar before. I know, "GASP!" I even made sure there were strips with me before we left the car to go into the restaurant. But as we sat at the table...everyone was so happy, and so talkative...I got lost in our "Normaling," and never had the boys do their checks. Which...I know...there are crazier things...
But , it just serves as a small example that we need to relearn "our normal."
No, I don't think it is a bad thing that diabetes is on the back burner keeping warm while we are feasting on normalcy. I just hope I don't faint when the leftover A1C's come looking unappetizingly warmed over in a tupperware bowl next month.
Next month seems years away though.
Right now I can only think about today.
I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
I think under the present circumstances...that is what a normal person would do.
I'm still trying to figure this whole "Normaling" thing out.