I’ve been away.
The Diabetic Life has laid dormant inside of me while I’ve been swept up in other things.
I don’t put the hours in worrying anymore, and I certainly don’t work overtime to make sure basals are succinctly dialed in like I used to.
There are only so many minutes in a day, and I have the immediate need to graduate early so I can move across the country, and get married, and start my career. Other things have taken precedence, so I’ve reverted to inevidable "Diabetes autopilot." Even though Diabetes is still a very important part of our lives, it isn’t the most important part of our lives, and it certainly isn’t where it needs to be on the priority list.
Basically, it has been: They are alive at the end of the day. It’s a win.
We are surviving, not thriving.
Tonight I attended the JDRF Hope Gala in San Francisco at the generous invitation of special friends. Listening to words like “hope” and “cure” and “breakthrough” and promises for change stirred up the complacent advocacy particles that have settled deep in my soul. The juices began to flow, and the floodgates opened.
I am a D Mom.
My kids need a cure.
I never allowed myself to believe in one fully. Mostly because I believe it's important to be content with the cards we are dealt now. But tonight the man that is the head of the encapsulation team looked me personally in the eye and said, “It’s coming. For your children. It will happen.” And when he showed me cells on his cell phone bursting with the ability to produce insulin, it was like I was witnessing the impossible…and then…believing in it.
And as the bids came around the room, one in particular for $100,000 (yes I hugged their neck,) the gratitude ran so deep it was hard to contain it all inside my frame. Because even if there never comes a cure, these people were there tonight working for it anyway. Working hard on behalf of MY boys, for a future that I wasn’t brave enough to envision, but they are stubborn enough to fight for in spite of my complacency. They fearlessly move forward raising money to fund research for change, and many of them will until the day they die, or until the cure does come. It was humbling to witness such generosity, some people whom have no familial relation to diabetes.
My heart runneth over.
Tonight, driving home from the gala, I made the decision to allow myself to hope, and not let myself, or my boys, settle for a future of “same ol’ same ol’”
Now here it is, almost 2 am and I find myself coercing fruit snacks into my sleeping 11 year old's mouth. My boys need a cure. If there are people in the world willing to work towards that end, I will be honored to stand next to them and dream with them. Hope with them. Lead with them. Fight with them.
It was an honor just to be in the same room with them tonight.
My name is Meri Schuhmacher.
And I’m all in.