Tuesday, December 16, 2014

What builds me.


I started this journey na├»ve. I was a selfish, young, wide-eyed girl. Too young to really be an adult; short on experience for sure.  It seemed as though I was just playing house.  Playing the part of what I always wanted to be.  Or thought I would be.  Or thought life should be.

I had no idea what trial was.  I didn’t know sacrifice.  I didn’t know heartache.

As buildings goes, I looked a little bit like this:


And then the winds came.

So I strengthened my walls. 

And when the rain fell, slanted in its haste...

I fortified the roof.

The cold and the heat, I tried to hide from those uncomfortable things, but soon learned the best way to deal with it all was just to absorb it.  I learned to face the elements that way.  Standing strong.  Enduring.

I learned survival.

I learned what love was.

I learned to hold on.

I learned what hope was. 

And through the entire process, I grew.

Inch by inch I became who I am today.


Growth.

The skin under my eyes is sunken in a bit from all the tears.

The lines on my forehead might be a bit more defined than others from the hamster wheels in my brain, turning turning turning.  Number after number.  Worry after worry.  Wonder after wonder.

But I stand.

Tall.

Glorious in my imperfections.

Owning every dent.  Every missing shingle.  Every crack.

I am me. 

And I am happy to be me. 

All of those things that have tried me, well…they made me grow.  They forged me into a resilient human being.

So today, while I had a hard day, I’m ok with it.

Because I now know that hard things make me better.

I’ll make the improvements I need to weather each unique storm. One by one...as hard things have built me in the past, and they will continue to build me.

I'll be better tomorrow than I am today.  I didn't always appreciate the process, but I've been building for so long now, the lens of experience testifies to me that all will be well. 

The hard things don't hurt like they used to.

They’re tinkering now.  Making their upgrades.  

Thankfully, I’m in charge of the direction those upgrades take me.

And I’m choosing to build up.