A curious thing has happened in the Schuhmacher household. All of a sudden, there are a lot of people with diabetes in the house.
Now, I know that doesn’t come as a shock, because yes, we've for a long time had three people with diabetes here, and no, there has not been a new diagnosis, but now that M is gone…
Let me take a breath…
Ok…now that M is gone, 100% of the children living here have diabetes.
M had always been my great equalizer. He diluted the waters, if you will. He was my proof that I could make children without Type 1 Diabetes. Now that he’s away, the percentages seem a little more ominous.
The word that comes to mind is "germination." Diabetes seems to have sprouted, or rather spread out a bit? It's taking up more room in the house, which in turn crowds up my swelly brain.
It didn’t help the situation that the boys moved their beds around while I was dropping off M at the training center. Each boy has their own room now, so now when I do nighttime checks I travel to all the bedrooms to complete my round of blood sugar roulette.
Don’t ask me why two rooms didn’t seem like such a big deal, and now three rooms do.
Don’t ask me.
My brain swells when I try to do the math, because really, the math is THE SAME, but yet…not the same at all.
Adding mountains to my molehills is the fact that M isn’t around to lend a hand anymore. Those nighttime checks, the emergency insulin run to the school…that’s all on me now. I had to leave work last week for just such an emergency run. That day, diabetes was taller than usual. More imposing.
In fact it seems that diabetes has been craning its head into he picture as much as possible, as if trying to take over as the forth child in the family. “What about me? Take a picture of me! I want attention too!”
Its lame attempts aren’t fooling anyone around here though. It doesn’t get to be part of the Christmas card this year and it won’t be opening any presents either.
I’m sure it’s all a matter of adjustment and perspective. Diabetes won’t live in the house forever. Although as long as it is attached to my three hooligans, it will always be welcome here...
So while diabetes is doing cartwheels whilst my boys sleep in the next room...and the next room...and the next room...I’ll find ways to make the most of life…and realize that those three rooms aren’t filled with diabetes, but instead three boys who look like freaking angels when they sleep.
Seriously. How do they do that?