Brainchild of uber awesome Hallie Addington, the “More than a D Mom” series continues this week with a self explorative essay by moi. Hallie’s epiphany came one night when she realized that her entire self surely couldn’t be summed up by one title: “D Mom.” There were more layers, or she hoped there were anyway. She asked me if I would be willing to search my own swelly brain, and try to find what defines me…other than being a mother to three boys with Type 1 Diabetes.
I’m going to go a step further and try to find who I am beyond the word “widow” as well.
I am more than a D Mom.
I am more than a grieving widow.
Whoa. Pretty powerful putting it out there like that.
Those two things may not be all I am…but they both contribute fully to who I am and why. They can’t be discounted, that’s for sure. I am who I am BECAUSE of what I have gone through. D Mom suits me though. When the title of D Mom is given, one thinks of love, and dedication…what’s so bad about that? Or at least that’s what “I” think of. I think some PWD might associate “overbearing” with the title. But I’m not. So, I don’t.
The fact remains, there are other parts to me.
I’ve been so lost these past 8 months trying to figure what those other parts are. Who am I? I was a wife. I was half of a marriage. Now that I’m one…right now…what makes me tick? What drives me? It’s hard to be driven with an underlying melancholy. I try not to be down, but there is that spiritual organism I spoke about before that has a mind of its own. I’m still on the road to finding out who I am. But I can tell you what I know brings me joy…and more than anywhere, I think that is a good place start.
I love connecting with people. I love lifting people up. I love going to movies and eating popcorn with M and M’s. I love taking walks in the evening, and watching the sunset. (See also: I love the sky.) I love laughing. I LOVE laughing. (Worth mentioning twice.) I love people-watching. I love adventures. I love that Danger is my middle name. I love that Danger isn’t really my middle name, but I put this in here as an inside joke for some friends. I love making my kids smile. I love the entire concept of “hope.” I love the knowledge that I am more than what you see. I love knowing that I am a soul…a soul that is older and wiser than this 40-year-old body I reside in. I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite. I love when I get an epiphany and I can feel it deep in my stomach. I love writing. I love food, (unfortunately.) I love beautiful scenery. I love honesty. I love all people, all personalities…it makes life more interesting. I love good conversation. I love good-natured teasing. I love simplicity, less clutter. I love music…all kinds. I love having something to look forward to.
Huh. That sounds like some cheesy dating site “about me” intro. (No. I’m not on any dating sites…don’t get excited.)
I don’t know if that “love” stuff gives you, or me, a better idea of who I am, (even though if you read my blog regularly, none of it should be a shock to any of you,) but it seems that it all adds up to me being a spunky/spiritual person who is hell bent on being hopeful. No, I don’t make a lot of sense…but that’s ok. I’m still trying to figure me out anyway.
And I’m thankful, that while I do…you’re willing to take the ride with me, and accept my dueling personalities in spades.
Now go on…get outta here, and find some joy in your day. I dare you. (Apparently, I love bossing my readers around too.)
(PS My lovely, hilarious, fun, awesome D Mom/a-lot-more-than-that friend, Lora, is hosting tomorrow’s “More than a DMom” series. Check it!)