Thursday, December 27, 2012

Driving my life

We are all driving a life around.

Mine's an it's not economical.  Get over it.

My life is big.  There is a lot of information I need to keep with me, so I need the room.  (And besides, my swelly brain needs the headspace, that's for sure.)

Steering my life takes concentration and resolve.  Every turn awakes a thousand different senarios that must be problem solved in seconds.  I want to pull it all over.  I want it to stop...but I have to keep moving forward.  Life wasn't meant to be watched from the side of the road.

Some days I even put my car in reverse and try to move back to where it was before.  Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.  Reverse only lets you go back few feet...sometimes only inches. 

Other days I'm stuck in basal traffic hell.  My life feels like it's going nowhere, and I'm sure I haven't covered any ground at all.  Inching forward ever so slowly, honking my horn in frustration...those days I'm not my best me.  I don't do well in stop and go uncertainty.  
On those days I turn up the radio really loud and try to occupy myself with dreams of better blood sugar days to come.  I imagine myself hitting cruise control and moving at a good clip.  Maybe 55 mph?  I don't need to speed through my life...but progress would be nice.

A good blood sugar day would be nice.

Don't get me wrong, though.  Some days I'm haulin' arse. 

Some days.

But on those days it seems as though life likes to throw me curve balls. 
Road hazards.  
I'm never expecting road hazards...I think that's what makes them so frustrating.  The signs pop up in front of me:

"Watch out for falling blood sugars!"

"Soft temp basal ahead."

"Caution.  Carbs merging."

"Job application crossing."

It's hard to drive such a big life with so many distractions both on the road and in the back seat.  I see people driving small, simpler lives with way better gas mileage, and I admit, sometimes I get a bit jealous.

My big SUV is full of responsibility.  It's a wide load on a narrow road, but I've been driving it for so many years, I'm not afraid of the rocky terrain anymore.  What's a couple dings here and there?

My life is so big and clumsy, accidents are bound to happen.  I'm going to forget to bolus the boys now and then.  I'm going to guess carb amounts wrong when we are out to eat once in awhile.  Someone is going to have a dead pump battery and I'm not going to have a spare in the glove box.  I'm even going to make regular mistakes like running out of milk.

But my rig can take it.  It's got a mammoth engine. 

Driving our diabetic life is full of peril.  Even though it can be frustrating, and sometimes tedious, and most of the time's all mine, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything.

Kelly Blue Book may look at my life and price it low...but I know you can't put a price tag on what I drive around every day.  I know that my big ol' clunker of a life has a beauty in every dent...every scratch.  All those imperfections tell my story.

So if you see my life driving by you, wave me down and have me pull over for a minute to take in the view with you.  Sometimes I get busy waving my fists at the speed bumps and forget to enjoy the scenery.

There is always room in my life for you.

My life runs on love afterall.  If I don't work hard to continually fuel it up, I'm stuck on the side of the freeway, on empty, watching opportunity pass me by...which totally defeats the purpose of progress.

Diabetes, grief and worry try hard to muck up my windows...but if I remember to keep the windshield wipers going, my perspective will continue to be a bright one.

I'm going to look at 2013 as an epic road trip.  I'm turning my life in a new direction, and covering uncharted territory.

We'll see where these four wheels take me.  I've set my GPS to happiness.

Buckle up, friends.

I have a feeling it's going to be a crazy ride. 


  1. just when I think I couldn't love your writing and your life and you any more...then you bring it like this. LOVE. IT. 2013 IS going to be crazy, and a lot of it will be crazy good. I have a strong feeling about it. :)

  2. 2013 Road Trip.....I'm looking forward to it!


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