Tuesday, September 4, 2012

My love


Ryan passed away Sunday morning, peacefully, in the arms of his family.  Our miracle came to pass as he did not suffer.  He worked, he loved, he laughed, until the very end.  He will forever and always be my miracle, my precious love...our angel.  Although not the way I had hoped, my greatest prayer has been answered.  He is forever free of his cancer.


63 comments:

  1. The broader diabetes shares your sense of loss right now. I hope you will draw on our collective presence for comfort now.

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  2. My heart is breaking for you and your family, and I carry you all in my thoughts.

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  3. Thinking of you and your boys and all that loved Ryan. Bless you.

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  4. Keeping your family in my prayers, Meri.

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  5. You have been an inspiration to me (another D-mom), for so long, and you continue to be. Your family's spirit is absolutely beautiful, and you are all in my fervent prayers. I'm so, so sorry.

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  6. oh, Meri. You and your sons have been in my thoughts and prayers all weekend. Sending you my love, and praying for you to feel the comfort of our Heavenly Father and pull strength from Him. So many times our prayers are not answered the way we want them to be, but they are answered nontheless and I am happy that you are trying to see and remember that.

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  7. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers, Meri

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  8. We are here for you and your family.
    My sincerest regards. This was not fair at all.

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  9. Hi Meri,
    I am so, so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
    With deepest sympathy,
    Molly

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  10. It's an honor to read your posts and to know you through them. It's also an honor to dedicate time and energy in prayer and healing and comforting vibes for you and your family. I'm so sorry. Please know we're all here for you.

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  11. Meri,
    I'm so sorry for your loss. May God's promise to us Christians give you hope. Hope that includes one day walking hand in hand with your love again and being in God's holy presence forever!

    Jesus replied, "You do not realise now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
    John 13:7

    “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

    I'm praying for you and the boys. May God shower you all with his amazing Grace!

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  12. You have been such an inspiration to me for the short time (6 months) I've been on this d-mom journey. Praying for you and your boys.

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  13. Our thoughts are with you and your sons. My heart breaks for all of you. You have given me so much hope and inspiration these past five months with t1d. May you all find some peace and may we all be as graceful in the face of heartbreak as you, Ryan, and your sons. "Goodnight sweet prince."

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  14. Thank you for still being here, Meri. Seeing your post in my inbox made me so glad. You're such a bright spark in my diabetes life--and now my life life too--and I'm so grateful you're a writer! I'm so sorry Ryan's gone.

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  15. My heart is so sad for you and your family. Know that I am faithfully praying for all of you. For comfort, strength, peace, rest and of course, good blood sugar.

    You have no idea how you have blessed me since Matthew's diagnosis. I will forever be grateful and will continue to pour out prayers for you and your boys.

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  16. So sorry to hear such heartbreaking news. Wishing you and the boys all love and support from all corners.

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  17. You have also been a great blessing to me in our type 1 journey! We are keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers.

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  18. so sorry Meri, Praying for your family ♥

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  19. "Free" Ryan is free....

    I pray that you will continue to feel his presence in your heart, and may his spirit lift you up during this tragic time. So many including myself have been thinking of you and the boys endlessly, praying....still praying.

    I hope if/when needed you will take the time you need to be alone, dont let others in the DOC invade your privacy during this time when you and your boys surely need family the most. Cry, take time to cry and grieve, take time to break down. You have been the pillar of strength your entire life for your boys and your husband....now is the time to give to yourself and know that whatever you are feeling, whatever you need to get through the days ahead, is all that matters right now....Love you Meri, thinking of you and the boys endlessly!

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  20. Meri,

    We don't know each other, but I somehow found your blog a few months ago while clicking around on other blogs. :) Your writing really spoke to me, and I was inspired by how you were handling all the challenges in your life. My husband and I fasted for you this Sunday, and your family has been in our prayers. I am so sorry that you and your sweet boys will have to continue on in mortality without your husband, but I know you will handle the days and years ahead with grace and courage.

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Much love,
    Suzi

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  21. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. My heart breaks for you.

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  22. Meri and family,

    We are so incredibly sorry for your loss. You are in our thoughts and prayers!!

    Laura Savelkoul

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  23. We all love you so much, Meri. Your words and thoughts describing Ryan's journey are profound and courageous. I know you believe them, and I believe them, too. And I know you need to and will be a light to your boys. But even the strongest person with the heaviest burden is allowed to wallow in their human failings, like doubt and anger, if needed. Please give yourself permission to grieve in the way you need at any given moment and trust that it's okay. This might include any and all of the following: throwing a tantrum, having a "pity party" (as my mom used to so eloquently say), punching your pillow, screaming at the top of your lungs, crying your eyes out, snapping at a rude sales clerk, or whatever....you see where I'm going with this. You deserve all of that, no matter how "healthy" or "unhealthy" it is. I just felt compelled to say that, Meri. We all will stand by you through it all and will journey with you as you and your precious children walk through this darkness.

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  24. Meri,

    I also found your blog a few months ago by clicking around. So sorry for your loss; I've never been so sad to read of the death of someone I didn't know. I'll be praying for you and your boys.

    God bless.

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  25. Meri, You and your boys will continue to be in my family's thoughts and prayers. We pray for comfort as Ryan is gone from here on earth but as he surely watches over you and your boys from above. Much Love from all of us today and always.

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  26. My wife and I have been praying for you over the past several days, as we did in the past several months. Although we've never met, your family, your story, your journey has impacted our lives. We pray for God's peace and comfort in these days ahead for you and for your boys.

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  27. I'm so sorry for your loss. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  28. Sending love and prayers for comfort and strength for you and your precious family. My mother wanted me to let you know she and her church have been and will continue to pray for you, as well.

    Please know we are all here for you!

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  29. ...even the word verification is getting in on the support...
    it was "bye sad"
    yep, pretty much sums it up! ;)

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  30. I have been reading your blog for a few months now. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your beautiful family will be in my thoughts and prayers!

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  31. Dear Meri,
    I have prayed for Ryan over the past few months and my family will be praying for comfort, peace and strength for you and your boys now.
    I have been reading your blog since February or March, when I received a Medtronic e-mail about the mySentry program. I appreciate your encouragement for those of us taking care of children with diabetes and I am praying that you will receive encouragement from the Lord for your journey ahead.
    Thank you,
    Elizabeth, Mommy to six, #4, dx at 18 months, 7 1/2 years ago.

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  32. Meri, words can not express how deeply sorry I am for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your sons. Know that there are so many people holding you up in prayer and loving you.

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  33. Oh, Meri. I'm so so sorry.
    You and your boys remain in my thoughts and prayers

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  34. Thank you for sharing Ryan with us.
    Hugs and prayers...

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  35. Meri, I am so sad to hear of your news. Take care of your self and the boys. My thoughts and prayers are with you ... You are the most inspirational person and I know that Ryan will be with you forever watching over you and the boys. Kia Kaha

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  36. I'm praying for you and your boys. So very sorry.

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  37. My sweet friend Meri,
    I am so very sorry about Ryan's passing. You and the boys have been in my constant thoughts. What love he had in his life from all of you. What memories you have to cherish.
    Love you, my friend,
    Penny

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  38. Meri,

    It's pretty amazing the difference you have made in so many of the lives of those of us that don't even "know" you; though we feel like we do. Please know that you and your boys continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

    In the last 8 months I have lost my grandma in a tragic car accident and my brother after a very quick, painful, and devastating illness at 35. Even knowing that pain and loss, I can not fathom what you and your precious boys must be feeling. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve in your own way.

    Kim, mom to Hank (3, diagnosed at 15 months)

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  39. Meri, I must be honest and say that I had never heard of you, your children or Ryan before today. But all over the DOC there are stories being shared and tears being shed for you. I have read many of them and then finally found the courage to visit your blog and read your story. I am so sorry for your loss. The DOC is so sorry for your loss. Whether you know it or not, there is a world of people out there thinking about you.

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  40. I know there are no words adequate in a time like this, I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you and your boys so tight! You have been heavy on my mind, in my prayers and in my heart.

    I love you, and if there is anything any of us can do please let us know,

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  41. The title of your post says it all. I have never seen so much collective Love towards any one individual, any one family, as I have seen towards Ryan and your entire family over the past six months. Of course, none of us could possibly Love your husband in the way that you do. My heart breaks for you, and I hope this abundance of Love makes this loss a bit less difficult to bear.

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  42. You are so, so loved. I'm so sorry for your loss, Meri.

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  43. Meri, You do not know me nor have I ever commented on your blog. But I have been a reader of yours for almost 3 years ( when my then 3 year old son was diagnosed as a Type 1). I can not begin to express how deeply you have touched my life. How your blog with God's help has brought tremendous healing to this D mom's heart. I pray that during this immense loss that you will find that same comfort and healing you have given others.

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  44. Meri, my heart is breaking for you and the boys. Although, I only know you through your blog you have touched me deeply. In the last six months my family has been praying for Ryan and we will continue to pray for you and the boys. We pray for peace and understanding during this very difficult time, God Bless you Meri.

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  45. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss. Keep the faith.

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  46. Meri, my thoughts are with you and the boys. I am so sorry.

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  47. Your family has been in my thoughts and my heart...sending hugs. I am so sorry.

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  48. Meri, I'm so sorry. I know you don't know me, but I've been reading your blog for a few months and am forever amazed by how much you can handle--and now this. I know that knowing that he is no longer is in pain and (given your faith) the knowledge that he's with his Heavenly Father isn't any consolation. Your family has been in our prayers and will continue to be in our prayers while your family goes through this very trying time.

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  49. You don't know me, but I have read your blog in the past. I am deeply sorry for your loss and hope that you are surrounded by the love of friends and family.

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  50. Meri,

    I am so sorry to hear that Ryan passed my deepest condolences to you, your boys and your loved ones.



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  51. So much love to you and your family during this time, and always, Meri.

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  52. Meri, I know days must be a blur right now. Heart broken for your loss. Thoughts + prayer with you all xo

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  53. Meri,
    I'm relatively new to your blog, with 2 diabetic twin sons. My husband will be 40 in a month, and I could not imagine taking this journey without him. My heart bleeds for you, and I hope you find solace and comfort in the memories you've made and the beautiful boys he left you. I pray for your strength to get through this.
    Rhonda Fuselier

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  54. Meri... My head and heart hurt for you and the boys. Sending many prayers for your family as you celebrate Ryan's life, mourn your loss, and adjust to your new normal.

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  55. I am so sorry and I'm praying for you all! This is tough stuff and I wish it didn't have to happen. Love for all of you.

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  56. Sweet Meri, I am so, so sad for your loss. I have no words, only my love to you and your family. Please take care of yourself. We will all be here when you're ready. I love you, my sweet friend.

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  57. Thinking of you and your family <3

    Losing a loved one is one of the biggest challenges as humans that we face... to be so loving and unselfish is truly a blessing.

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  58. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your angel. Your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  59. I love you Meri.

    Praying for you and your family. This is absolutely the time to be selfish. Make sure to take time for yourself and when you can, let others know what you need.

    I only met Ryan for just those few minutes at FFL but I could tell even then that he was an amazing man. The kindness and respect of the strong young men that you are raising are absolutely his legacy.

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  60. I was in tears when I read this status of Facebook. I am incredibly sorry for your loss! May God carry you and your boys in the coming days.

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  61. Dearest Meri, I'm sure my words here cannot begin to express the heartfelt loss that I feel for you and your sons. I have just now learned of Ryan's passing, and I know that my words are not enough. I have often thought of you and your family and have often offered my prayers throughout this very difficult year. I hope though that my prayers will continue to help you to find your way (you will!) and to help you find your strength from within. It was a miracle and a blessing that you could be with him in life and you know that he will always be with you in your heart as your forever friend.

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