Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A post from Ryan.

Going through my emails, I found this blog post that Ryan sent me.  It was written 10 days before he passed away.  I didn't post it then because he wanted to double check he got the names right, and wanted to make sure he mentioned everyone he met...he didn't want to leave anyone out.  Well, things got a bit busy and real...his changes never happened.  So here is his post, unedited.  A little bit of Ryan to brighten your Tuesday:
 
Ok, I think I get it.  It’s addicting.  I haven’t stopped thinking about blogging since I wrote my first official blog to the world.  Well it kinda helped that I caused quite a stir by misspelling Big Kahuna Fred C-U-N-H-A or that fact I combined all the Scotts with Michael Hoskins. I had not realized the satisfaction you can get by getting something off your chest and connecting with another person who you don’t even know, and who lives heavens knows where.  I think this is partly why my wife blogs………..Wow!  I’m a fricken genius.  It only took me 3 years to figure this out!!!

   It got me thinking why don’t I blog more often?  My first attempt was somewhat successful.  So I sat on this for a while and realized why I was shy to jump in again.....to me my wife is a blogging genius.  I get her blog emailed to me.  I open it and start reading and crying automatically.  Am I a wuss?  I don’t think so. She just touches my heart because we think the same way.  I think my main concern is I'm a little intimidated blogging as I'm living with a blogging legend. That would be like Gordon Ramsey's wife cooking a gourmet meal. Yea she can do it, but you know in the back of his mind he's thinking should have added a bit more salt....coulda' have seared it a bit more.....should have broiled instead of baked. But instead he eats and smiles and says "Baby, I could serve this in my one of my restaurants."

    I wanted to share some thoughts from FFL.  We had a challenging time there.  My 14 year old, J, started getting sick already on the plane flight to Florida.  At one point Meri was running down one of the organizers, Jeff, asking his help to get him to urgent care.  They spent several hours there, handed a prescription and went back to the hotel.  We spent the next few days attending classes and enjoying meeting people.  Joe Solo greeted my oldest son, M, and he immediately rattled off his first impression of M's personality (which he nailed, and in the process made M feel really great.)  We also attended his class, which we thoroughly enjoyed.  We also attended a class from Dr Richard Rubins, I got there early and was sitting by myself.  He walked right up to me introduced himself and made me feel like we had been friends for a long time.  We seemed to have a lot in common and there was an instant connection.  His class “Diabetes Overwhelmness” was something I could totally connect with.  He stopped me later on in the hallway to give me his card and said to keep in touch.  Scott Johnson couldn’t have been nicer.  Introduced me to the one of the founders of FFL and made sure to say hi to me every time he saw me.  He made me feel very welcome.  My 2 littles, B and L, enjoyed Leanne Thill's recycled diabetes supply art center.

   On the third night a gaggle of Mother Bloggers got together at the pool with their families.  It was sorta like a family reunion.  At that point I started to feel bad.  As most of you know, I’ve been battling my own health issues.  I was sitting near the pool and the left half of my body, from my face to my toes heated up to the point where my eye was so irritated I could hardly keep it open.  My dad had a stroke at 55 and I was thinking I beat him by 14 years.  I felt worse for the fact I walked away like from the reunion and didn’t say a thing.  I didn’t want to spoil the fun.  That night I was lying in bed and I felt a scary amount of pain in my kidney area.  I told Meri to call for the ambulance, as I was getting ready to throw up from the pain.  She called the front desk and they said there was a town car waiting in the front of the hotel.  I spent several hours with no sign of a doctor then this nurse couldn’t take it anymore and gave me a shot of oxycontin and I was asleep and pain free in 15 seconds.  They highly recommended we end our trip and go home…………which we did.  That night we had promised the kids Chick-Fil-A, a big group of bloggers were up for the task of getting our promise delivered.  Another thing that happened is that group of bloggers surrounded my wife in a circle of prayer and love.  The gesture and connection went far beyond a group of bloggers who share a disease.  It was a group of men and women with the faith of Job trying to heal one of their own.

     Couple of more shout outs to people I enjoyed meeting.  Wendy and Jason Rose and family.  Meet them before but LOVE them.  Mom of Bean, AKA Denise, super friendly and always gave me a smile.  Scott Strange and I sat and talked baseball, not sure how that happened but it was really cool.  K2, Kelly Kunik, gave me a “hey I know you don’t know me but I know you and your family and I love your wife.”  Jess, I thank you for great attitude and smiley face.  Sara and Kim, thanks for all the Polynesian sauce and helping us keep our promise to our kids.  Lora, I'm so glad I had a chance to meet you too.

     After all that, we still felt like we had a vacation, and Meri and I plan on coming to the next CWD conference.
 
The last sentence right there is so Ryan.  That is how he lived.  Always with hope.  Always making plans for the future...and I'm glad he did.  Looking ahead to happiness was our way of life.  Ryan would tell the boys there was never an excuse to not do something, or to not do our best...someone always had it harder than us.  He often pointed out how blessed we were, and that WE had the power to make our futures what we wanted them to be.  I hope I can find a way to carry on his bright light, and show the boys there is a way through our fog of grief and pain.  The future is bright...Ryan always said so. 
I honestly have no choice but to walk by faith, and believe him.

28 comments:

  1. Wow, Meri. Just wow.

    Thank you for sharing this. Ryan continues to be such a gift to the world. That is how it should be. That someone's light continues to shine through the people he touched.

    And for the record, I totally cracked up at the Gordon Ramsey stuff. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not a wuss either but I'm crying :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. For the record, I also laughed!

    ReplyDelete
  4. And further for the record... Fred NEVER cries. Except maybe when there are children being born that share his genetics.

    Ryan truly is a beautiful soul, and my opinion is every bit the blogger his wife is. Love you guys.

    ReplyDelete
  5. What an amazing man your Ryan was, Meri. I wish I'd had the pleasure and privilege of meeting him. I'm so glad you shared this with all of us. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. thank-you for sharing what seems like a personal post..what a blessing that you had him in your life and that he fathered your children..this gives me more meaning to "brothers & sisters" in Christ..love, Donna from Maine

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well,I AM a wuss and was doing good until the last sentence from Ryan...MAAAN I was going soooo good!! But thank you so much for sharing xoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
  8. Meri - thank you for sharing this personal gift and reminding me of so many things. Ryan is one of the finest spirits ever sent to this earth. I say "is" because both you and I know he "is" right here watching over you every second of every day smiling. Smiling when you get mad, smiling when you think of him, crying with you when the weight is more than you can bear and sending angels named M J B & L to be his hands to help bear your unbearable burdens. One of the blessings Ryan gave you became so clear to me on Sunday as we sat in PH Meeting and I listened to your boys comments, questions and even testify of the things they know to be true and blessings they have received in life. I was listening to the best of what Ryan exemplified in your young mens voices. I then went to Primary to thank the kids for the great job they did in their primary program. I told them that they were the best teachers we could ever have that day. They taught us through their songs and words and sweet spirit's how much Heavenly Father loves us. L was in the front row laying on two chairs looking a little sad and as soon as I said they were such great teachers his little head popped straight up, his eyes got big, he put his shoulders back and with his head held high he raised his hand and questioned with amazement, "Were we really teachers?" I replied, "You were the best kind of teachers". He replied, "Why?" and then I said, "Because the songs you sang and the words you said came from your heart and you made everyone feel better and feel loved today." L then let his eyes look down to he floor and then he slowly shook his head the way we do when we learn something new and amazing and then smiling and under his breath whispered, "wow..." We love you guys so much!!...The Tanners

    ReplyDelete
  9. INSPIRING ALWAYS, THOUGHTS OF YOU AND THE BOYS, THE CRUCIATA FAMILY

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow.

    One of the benefits of working from home now is that I don't have to contain my crying while blog-reading... like when it happened here.

    I wish I'd had the chance to meet Ryan in person, but thank you so much Meri for sharing this and sharing some of that personality in his writing. For brightening my Tuesday, even with some tears and laughs and so many smiles.

    Love you all.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Believing in Ryans words and endless spirt..you, your boys....and everyone else whose lives are touched endlessly by the Schumacher family.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for sharing ... Ryan is an inspiration ... And you are an inspiration .... Thank you from the bottom of my heart

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mike and are crying too! I loved Ryan from the first time I met him! Who couldn't love Ryan? Meri, you have always been special from the time you were a baby...so full of live and love! Always living your life to the fullest! I thought, "What man could ever be good enough for our Meri?" Then Ryan showed up! YEP! He IS! I see Ryan in your boys. Ryan gave you and the boys the foundation that will help you and them for the rest of your life. I am sure Ryan is still watching over you and the boys and smiling...that SMILE! Meri, you are an amazing woman and I don't think you know just how amazing you are! I love you, sweet Meri.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Meri -
    I started bawling the minute I started reading this and I really don't know what to say, except that I feel so blessed to have met Ryan and I love you all so much!!!
    Xoxo
    Kelly K~

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank you for sharing Ryan's words.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thank you for sharing this. Fighting back the tears right now. Although I've never met you, I feel as though I know you. Your family is an inspiration! Sending my love!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank you for sharing this Meri. You married a wonderful man, full of caring and light. It was so wonderful to read his words. I cried and smiled, all at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  18. What a treasure this is! Thank you so much for sharing with us. As difficult as that time was for him, Ryan still focused on the positive experience of it all. What a blessing for you to carry on his bright light.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Together, you and the boys WILL continue to carry on Ryan's light because the five of you ARE his light. It is so easy to see why he loves you all so much... He is with you always, guiding you through the fog.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ooo...he writes well too! So jealous these people got to meet him! He sounds like an exceptional man. Them boys of his WILL carry on... as Lora said. Lots of love! ~Ivy

    ReplyDelete
  21. In the immortal words of Gordon Ramsey( has he ever met Reyna?) - F#¤!&*@ marvellous!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thanks Meri. Tears flowing, we lost a good friend this week which helps me understand a teensy bit of your loss. This post just shows how huge it was for all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  23. this really was a wonderful letter from Ryan and I am so glad you choose to post it. WE all love you and are praying for you!!
    with love sent your way

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thank you for sharing. Sounds like an amazing guy.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Meri - Thank you for sharing this even though it hurts so much to read it. I wish that Polynesian sauce could actually fix something, because you know you'd have a truckload at your door right now!

    ReplyDelete
  26. thank you so so much for sharing this. simply beautiful.

    ReplyDelete

Comments=Love
Moderation now enabled, so comments will not immediately be seen.