Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Let it be.

Let it be.

Let it happen.

Let it alone.

Just BE.

My husband and had the rare opportunity to have dinner with some friends in the city.  On the way home the sun was setting and the Bay Area glowed in yellow haze, carpeted by reflective pools of water. 

Almost intuitively the radio began to play "Let it Be" by the Beatles.

The words pierced my heart.  I tried to internalize exactly what they meant to me.  To us.

Let it be.

Let it be...as in, Let it happen?   Life doesn't stop for anything.  It is a crazy ride and when something big shakes up our world my first instinct is to think, when will this end?  How long must we endure?  Maybe I need to step into the calmness of "letting it happen."  These hard moments are changing us, and someday I'll have the benefit of hindsight to see what miracles were wrought in our life.  Someday I'll be wiser and the bigger picture will be clearer.  Instead of punching mindlessly at the storm...maybe just acceptance is what I need.  Storms blow through, and they are scary.  But it waters our fields and the rainbow follows.

Let it be...as in, let it alone?  Sometimes I let the question creep in.  Why?  There is no answer to why.  Why is only there to make me miserable.  There is no strength in why.  Why is there to take my mind away from the things that are really important, like my blessings.  Why wants to preoccupy me with its time so there is no room for anything else.  Why is extremely needy.  So leaving it alone...alienating the why may be my only option right now.

Let it be...as in, just be?  Just LIVE.  Make the most of every day.  Enjoy all of the little moments.  I read a quote the other day that said happiness is not in the destination, but in the journey.  I can't look ahead and say, "someday this will be over and then we'll all be happy."  That isn't fair to my family, and not fair to my soul.  I/we need to find happiness in today. 

A few days ago our family received a miracle.  My husband who has been suffering from nausea, exhaustion, pain and weakness, woke up last Thursday and said, "I feel amazing."  For the first time since his diagnosis Ryan feels "normal."  He can eat again.  He has energy again.  Gone are the days of two naps and constant misery.  He can sleep well at night again.  It's like we've all woken up from a coma.  How long will this last?  I don't know...but we'll enjoy each wonderful day we have...and "let it be."

Yesterday when I was up all night with a rouge 400, the words echoed in my swelly brain...."let it be."

Today when the boys had breakfast and then an hour an half later ate again at Costco, (because apparently it's sacrilege to NOT eat a hot dog when we're at Costco,)..."let it be."

And tomorrow, when Ryan has another diagnostic appointment to give us results of yet another chest scan..."let it be."

It's sticking for a reason.  If diabetes has taught me anything...it's that acceptance is the fastest way to happiness.

"And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be." ~The Beatles

16 comments:

  1. Praying that today's tests show good results.
    Hugs...

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  2. Thinking of you always, Meri. Today, I will be praying for you to just be.

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  3. Praying for the test results! <3

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  4. I definitely think you were meant to hear that song at that moment. Proud of you for savoring the moments. And praying for the best today. xoxo

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  5. Sometimes, certain things - unexpected cues, songs, or images - present themselves at just the right time to set a tone or context. Yes, acceptance of certain things, or letting it be, sure makes it easier to cope. Expectation and interpretation can rattle the nerves; the simplicity of hearing (or reading) Ryan say "I feel amazing" can melt the heart.

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  6. Everyday your strength amazes and inspires me
    Praying for great news at e appt and that he just keeps feeling better and better!

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  7. Praying for excellent results today!

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  8. Your posts are nothing but amazing. Thanks for being an inspiration, and wishing the best for tomorrow.

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  9. Thank you for such a thought provoking post! Sometimes we just need to be reminded what we already knew. Praying for you always.

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  10. "Acceptance is the fastest way to happines"....oh that phrase alone just rang all to true. I love it! I love your blog, I love this post...and the honesty!

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  11. Sometimes that's all we can do...just let whatever is going to happen, happen. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all your boys!! **HUGS**

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  12. and I have no idea but after I read your post my brain said, "true dat." What? I don't know, but there it is...I think that this is where I am at right now, just let it be (not let it go, that is a whole other concept to me) but you captured so many aspects so perfectly. And YEAH for Ryan feeling great, enjoy this moment - it is great to know he is feeling so much better ((HUGS))

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  13. You have a bright light, a candle burning bright in a difficult place. You, Ryan, and your little family ae greatly loved.

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  14. Insightful and inspiring as always Dear One. I love you.

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  15. Great post. Youre right about acceptance. I definately fight things, fight D, and have to come to just borrow your words, let it be. leave it alone, accept it and start moving forwards.

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