Here's some shockaprising news:
I was up worrying all last night.
I did the 2:00am check and didn't go back to sleep.
('Cause nighttime is the best time to
worry...you totally know it.)
You probably think I was up worrying about my sweet husband
and all of the scans and appointments he has today.
That would totally make sense.
I was worrying about my 10 year old son and the epic
field trip he is going on today.
I'm sure when the fourth grade teachers got together they were
over the moon that they were going to take these kids a few hours away to Old Sacramento
and let them experience the rich history of California. I'm sure they spoke of all the educational
applications within the trip, and the advantage of seeing history in action.
They are good teachers.
I'm sure they talked about all of that.
But what I'm sure they didn't do, was talk about B, and my
capacity to handle the worry associated with this trip. Not that they should have discussed such
things...but I'm selfish, so I'm going there.
If they did discuss B and my brain, I'm sure they would have
come to the obvious revelation that Meri has a lot on her plate and doesn't
need the extra worry of her son leaving on an EXTENDED day, 8:30am to 6:00pm
field trip. (And yes, I do realize that
this field trip has probably been planned for months and months. But it was nighttime, and nothing makes sense
in the nighttime, remember?)
Over the years my brain has been muscled up with worry. It can hold a lot of it, that's for
sure. It was many years of conditioning
and adding bits of worry day after day.
My ability to worry is quite impressive, my swelly brain is living proof
But I'm at capacity people.
A hint more of worry and I might blow.
So I spent the night putting out fires in my head and quieting
the tempests of my swelly brain with meal plans and diabetes supply
He's gone on field trips before. B is a super capable kid. B's teacher is on it, he is a great guy.
But factor in the nighttime crazies, a mother who's brain is
in flux, and my uncanny ability to worry about such things little things as having
enough mayonnaise in the fridge and such big things as my husband's scan
results ...well, you get the picture...no sleep.
Lucky for me the morning sunrise brings hope and a new
Though, as wonderful as that hope is...I'm pretty sure I'm
going to spend this day looking forward to the sunset, when my family will all
be together again.
Because being together as a family is even cooler than
learning about this great state we live in.
Family trumps field trips.
B may not know that yet.
But one day when he has his own littles, he definitely will.
And as for my brain? Well, it has another hole in its belt loop I am sure. It always finds a way to cope...and since Ryan's friend offered last minute to drive Ryan around this morning, I think that coping will come in the form of scrubbing my bathroom. (Or a pedicure...Terra? Call me!)