When I was a young bride my mindset was always on the future.
When we have a baby...When we have our very own home...When we have more babies...When the boys aren't toddlers anymore...When the boys are all in school...When my husband gets a new job...when...when...when...
I hate to admit it but I've spent most of my life not living in the moment. Growing older, (and hopefully a little bit wiser,) that has all changed. In fact I find myself savoring the little things more and more. The cute pucker on L's lips when he concentrates very hard, the way B sometimes moves his lips even after he is done talking, the fact that J will still hold my hand on family walks, and M's amazing smile. These little things bring me so much joy...so much so I have a lot of regret.
Back when my boys were tiny I wish I enjoyed the crazy moments more. There were days when the hours were chaotic followed by more hours of chaos. In those days I would think..."When..."
I made the biggest mistake by not slowing down and savoring those moments. I'm sure that part of it is the learning curve of motherhood. I was so much harder on M than I was on J. And so much harder on J than I was on B. And I'm so much harder on B than I am on L. (L seriously has it easy.) I'm not the same mother I was 16 years ago. If only I could go back in time and tell myself to enjoy that infant cry. If only I could visit the old me and tell her that those high blood sugars aren't her fault. If only I could cheer myself on and tell her/me that the boys will make it until tomorrow.
If only I didn't worry so much.
I believe we are here to find the joy in the little things, that our time on earth isn't meant to be miserable. I believe that there is a bigger picture and it is up to us to find the right perspective.
It is up to us to wake up in the morning and say to ourselves..."I'm going to make today as great as it can be. I'm going to hope my very best, try my very best, and love my very best." I think if we have the right perspective everything else will work itself out.
Because we are going to miss this.
We are going to miss today.
It is a country song that I have on my ipod. I don't listen to it hardly ever...but it does pop up now and then when I'm on the treadmill. It is by Trace Adkins and the chorus goes like this:
You're going to miss this
You're going to want this back
You're going to wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're going to miss this
This is all especially poignant to me as my oldest is a Junior in High School. It is going by too fast. I've made a total 180 on my earlier mantras...I don't want to speed up time...I want to stop it. I've said it before, if I could can them and keep them up on a shelf I would. I want to preserve their innocence. I want them to keep calling me mama.
We celebrate three birthdays this month. On Sunday J and B will be 8 and 10. J and B are my littles and they aren't so little anymore. J will be 14 in a couple weeks and M is 16.
Make. It. Stop.
Take it from a mama that missed out on the little things for too many years: Enjoy every moment. Even the bad ones.
'Cause you ARE going to miss them.
Even if right now is a roller coaster of emotions...
You ARE going to want this back.
(This is me going rogue on day 4 of National Health Blog Posting Month in honor of Diabetes Awareness Month. Today's suggested topic was "what do you do with your blog post after you push publish." I reread and change it like a dozen times in case you were wondering. When you are an awful speller like myself, there is no other option. :)