The other night when I was wallowing in the cocoon of pity, I was so wrapped up in the wings of my despair, that I forgot...
I forgot that out in the world there were thousands...millions...of dots of light. Each dot representing other parents walking the halls of their own homes, administering the nighttime check.
I felt so alone.
Really though, I wasn't alone.
I forgot of the other PWD who were (hopefully) sleeping peacefully waiting for their alarms to wake them for their own checks. I also forgot about their spouses who stir in the bed and wait breathlessly to hear their spouse stir too.
I forgot that one number does not make or break my child's future, that my boys will have high numbers because, hello...they have diabetes.
I forgot that there is a greater force. One that trumps the helpless feelings that consume the night.
I forgot that I can't do better than my best. There is no perfection in diabetes...so my sorrow in the unattainable is moot.
I forgot that I am blessed with amazing, resilient children.
I forgot to count my blessings before counting myself out.
I forgot that in the darkness the corners of the bigger picture are hidden.
I forgot to pray.
Most days I feel so strong! Most days I take this Diabetic Life in stride. But I am human. No super human impenetrable brain of steel here.
We all have to break down sometime. It proves our humanity.
More than anything though, I think the most important thing I forgot is that my boys are ok.
It is all going to be ok.