Sunday, April 24, 2011

The one where I get a little religious.

This morning at church I was checking L's blood sugar while the congregation sang the opening hymn. The lancet must have been set at deeper setting than usual, as his finger bled profusely after the shunk. Unprepared, I wiped the blood with my hand...cleaning it from his fingers to mine. I looked at my blood stained hands as the chorus of the Easter song rang in my ears, "He is Risen!"

Wiping the blood from my fingers, our mortality sat in grime reality in front of me.

We are mortal.

We are human.

We are imperfect.

Living a diabetic life is a never ending parallel to living our mortal one. Constant corrections.

As I need to make constant corrections to the boys blood sugars, I need to make constant corrections to the way I live my life.

Because I'm not perfect.

I don't know why I picture millions in the world that are perfect. Upon further thought...I'm hard pressed to think of even one.

No one is perfect. Everyone has their own story...their own demons to face.

My mind draws back to my life when I was a new mother. I'm pretty sure the first 10 years of motherhood was me trying to convince others I was perfect. The "perception" that people had of me was paramount to anything else. Years have passed and it seems I'm burning the candle at the other end. I couldn't be perfect, so I've given up.

"Why even try?" I would often say to myself. "I don't have the time or the energy to do the job to my perfectional standard, so I'll sit this one out."

I'm tired of my apathy. I'm tired of shrugging everything off. I have a lot of fight left in me. I have a lot to offer. I stand ready to make a difference...or rather, I'm at the threshold of being ready.

Blood is a powerful image. As I stared at the bright red smears on my hand this morning, I thought of the ultimate sacrifice Jesus Christ made for me. What I do to in regards to the boys diabetes is but a small sacrifice compared to His. I can't use our situation as an excuse to not get involved anymore. I'm so tired of being tired. Life was meant to be LIVED. Imperfectly...constantly correcting our course. I'm not a bad person because I'm not a perfect pancreas. My best is just going to have to be good enough.

I'm mortal. The blood that runs through my veins tells me that.

It is time for me to accept myself for who I am. It is time to open my eyes to my imperfections and embrace them.

I owe it to the Redeemer to appreciate this body, and this mind that I was given. It is time for me to me to get over myself.

He is risen. And so has my confidence.

17 comments:

  1. Happy be-lated Easter Meri.

    Blood is a powerful image. I had one of the said blood stains on my palm the other day thinking the same thing.

    You are one heck of an inspirational person my friend and your story gives me inspiration and courage to face each day with gusto and vigor...pancreating, befriending, partnering, parenting, outreaching...

    Thank you for that.

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  2. What a beautiful post this Easter Meri. Believe it or not, YOU, just as you imperfectly are, are an inspiration to many of us out here in the DOC, because you get up and do it every day. I think of you, of Laura, of Lexi, of Reyna, of Tracy, of Hallie, of Wendy of... every darn day as I get up and do what I need to do. And if you gals can do it, so can I. Imperfectly. You said it Meri.
    We love you for who you are.

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  3. I am SO SO SO sharing this. Could not have said it better myself.

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  4. He has risen indeed, friend!
    I was thinking many of these same thoughts - wondering why I beat myself up so often and give others such grace. Isn't the grace for us all. I am reading "one thousand gifts" and falling in love with all the true gifts that are everywhere around me. This confirms that God loves me for me - he loves ME and chooses to give these amazing gifts without strings.
    Anyhow, I hope you had a wonderful Easter.

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  5. Thanks for reminding me how imperfect life is and how we all should just do our best, for everyone, all the time. Susie used to say to me when I requested perfection "I do what I can do and what I can't do, I don't do!" It always seemed to work for her! Love you guys

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  6. Absolutely beautiful post Meri!

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  7. Beautiful post! God always works things for good. I look forward to the day when diabetes will NEVER exist again!

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  8. Love it! I should print this and put it where I have to read it everyday; especially the part about owing it to the Redeemer to appreciate what I've been given and to just get over myself! Thanks!!

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  9. Beautiful post, Meri! I think sometimes it's our flaws that make us as beautiful as we are. And it's so good for our children to know that we are flawed and flaws are okay. Hope you had a wonderful Easter!

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  10. Beautiful! I treated a low during church and had some similar thoughts. You may not be perfect (none of us are) - but you are wonderful! Don't ever forget it!

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  11. Awesome Meri! I am tired of beating myself up for not being perfect too.

    Love you Meri.

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  12. Great post Meri! We treated a low at church yesterday too...seems to be a trend for C..I'm starting to wonder if they pump some sort of inhaled insulin in the air there, lol ;) Seriously though I had very similar thoughts that went through my mind during the service and BG check...we're not perfect, but aren't meant to be..we'll always have our challenges to endure but we'll end up stronger for it :)

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  13. "He is risen. And so has my confidence"

    What more could I add to that? You are always so good at finishing up your posts with a succinct and perfect point. You rock. <3 you, Meri!

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  14. This is such a beautiful and thought provoking post Meri. What an amazing analogy with the blood. Thanks for sharing. :-)

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  15. oh my gosh you are an amazing mum!
    I am in Australia & I only have 1 child with type 1 diabetes. He is almost 13. I will definitely sing your praises daily : )

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