Saturday, November 13, 2010

My perfectly lovely, perfectly true, angel story.

It is no secret that I believe in miracles. And I'm not embarrassed to announce that I believe in angels too. In the spirit of the approaching holiday season, I wanted to share with you a very special, very true story of hope. A story that helped me through one of the darkest times.

I originally posted this over a year ago. No one was really reading my blog then, so this story will probably be new to you...

It was less than two months after J was diagnosed and I was a complete Zombie. Tired, worried, scared. It was such a hard time. J was on a “long acting” insulin, (I'm pretty sure it it was Lente,) of which we had to give him a “light” ½ unit twice a day. Measuring a “light” ½ unit is almost impossible in a needle, and who knows how much of it he actually got. His short acting was an insulin called Regular. It was diluted in a bottle 5 parts saline to one part insulin. He also would get very tiny amounts of this. Needless to say, we never knew what his blood sugars were going to do. His long acting did not peak in adults, but it peaked in J. His short acting would peak 2 hours after we gave it to him, so we would have to predict what he was going to eat. (Which, of course, was impossible with a 9 month old.) We were never sure when a low would occur at night, so I would check every couple hours to be sure.

There was one night in particular that was extra rough. He needed food, then extra insulin, then more food. He was extra restless and he and I cried most the night together. Each time I tried to sleep I would say a silent prayer, a prayer I had said a hundred times before, “Lord, please have the angels watch out for J while I sleep, and have them wake me if I am needed. “ That night I couldn’t help but wonder if angels were real, or a wonderful fantasy I simply hoped for. I prayed for an answer, but was left to wonder. Between my alarms and J’s crying I was woken plenty that night. I must have sung him his lullaby a dozen times. (Each of my boys had their own lullaby. J’s happened to be one I learned from a college roommate.) It goes like this:

You came from a land where all is bright

To a world half day and a world half night

To guide you by day, you have my love

To guard you by night, your friends above.

So sleep…sleep…till the darkness ends, guarded by your angel friends.

Yes sleep…sleep…till the darkness ends, guarded by your angel friends.

There is one stands softly by your bed,

and another sits close, with her hand on your head.

There’s one at the window watching for the dawn,

and one waits to wake you when the night is gone.

By morning I was exhausted and too tired to make breakfast. All I could think about was downing one of my husband’s lovely donuts. I packed up the boys and headed for our bakery. Before I could make it to my husband’s arms, or a doughnut for that matter, I was stopped by Alice, (Not her real name.) She was so happy to see me; she wasn’t expecting I’d be in that day. She had a dream, a vivid dream, and she knew she had to share it with me.

Alice had a brother who had passed away somewhat recently. He was a young husband and father and of course very missed. In her dream she was working the counter at the bakery as usual when she noticed that it was pitch black outside. She was confused at how she could have worked so far into the night and went into the back to get her sweater and purse and close up. While in the back she heard the bell on the bakery door ring. She ran out to tell the customer she had closed. Lo and behold it was her brother, with his finger to his lip, shushing her. In his arms was a baby, and as he got closer she realized it was J sleeping soundly. “Would you walk home with me?” She asked her brother. “Sorry sis,” he said pointing to J. “I’m on duty until morning.” And with that he gave her a wink and walked out.

Well there you go…my perfectly lovely, and perfectly true, angel story. I know it is sometimes so lonely to be the mother of a diabetic. We aim for perfection and feel as though the world is on our shoulders. The thing is, I feel really strongly that if we try to be perfect we will always fail. We weren’t made to be perfect, just human. All we can do is TRY our very best, LOVE our very best, HOPE our very best, and ENDURE our very best. God will make up the rest.

22 comments:

  1. Meri, I love this story. I too believe in angels. YOU ARE ONE OF THEM. You, as always, continue to inspire me daily.

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  2. MERI!! I'm totally crying and Laying next to Sweetpea as she's going to sleep - she wants to know why! What a lovely story! I believe in angels, too. And Reyna's right. You are one! I will think of this often... I know I will. And I know it will fill me with hope! Bless you, sweet friend!

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  3. Oh, what an absolutely beautiful story, Meri! I'm with you on the believing in angels. And also in the importance of dreams! God works in very mysterious ways and maybe that story is just one way he had of showing you that you weren't alone! You're right, perfection is an impossible goal. Besides, I'm pretty sure every one of our children would take their real mommy over a perfect mommy any day!

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  4. We can't do it by ourselves. I'm glad you and J had an angel helping out.

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  5. I cried the first time I read this and I'm crying now. Thanks for re-posting this lovely story.

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  6. Goose bumps and tears...I believe it is oh so true....and those times when I have just woken up and felt the need to check...I KNOW....we are NOT alone!

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  7. HUGE believer in "things happening for a reason" Meri. We are experiencing loss in our family right now...I haven't been able to blog, sleep or think straight until this afternoon. We finally got home tonight and I told Ray that I wasn't going to blog tonight, but I had to read at least your blog because you’re doing the everyday blog thing and I wanted to make sure and catch it...mostly because I need your "air" to breath and get through our loss and pain. Your post is yet another reminder to me to have hope and faith in the events that come our way.

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  8. Wow! What a neat story! Gave me goosebumps.

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  9. Angels would have to be alive and well...otherwise I'm not sure we'd have made it this far! Your last paragraph says all that I've felt for so long but assumed I was doing something 'wrong'. So glad we crossed paths - you are a very inexpensive therapy! Have a wonderful day!

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  10. Thank-you,thank-you,thank-you for posting that my friend. It is such a beautiful story and exactly what my heart needed today as I find myself in a funk, a pretty bad one at that. I hit a wall last night that came out of the blue and I'm not sure how to get up again. This story which I am now going to re-read will help a little as I find my way again.

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  11. What a wonderful sign from one of your angels. I believe in them as well and more than once I have been protected by their grace. To know in that time of true and almost desperate need you had backup is a gift of the most divine kind. Thank you for sharing, this is truly a story to be told often, holiday season or not.

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  12. A special thank you to all the angels who watch over our sleeping children...and a special hug to my dear friend, Meri, for blessing my heart every day.

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  13. Holy Cow, beautiful story. And I love the fact that each of your children have thier own song. That is the coolest!

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  14. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!! I needed the angel story today!! YOU are also a beautiful angel sent from God....
    Love to you Meri!!
    ((HUGS))

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  15. Meri - I remember this from when you originally posted it. I love this story...so beautiful.

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  16. YES, Meri! You ARE our Angel!! I cannot tell you enough how I look forward to reading your posts every day :) You have inspired me day after day, and changed my outlook and perceptions SO many times through the years!

    I have to tell you this!!!......Yesterday Maddison wanted a smoothie while we were at an event. I asked the young boy cashier if they add sugar to the smoothies and then if they had nutrition info. (nope!) He then heard me ask Maddison how many carbs she thought was in it.....He said well, I usually bolus 57c for the small, and just smiled. SMILED. That was it! In our secret D world he understood my questions without me EVER saying more than carbs, sugar and nutrition info!!

    So, of course we had to talk a bit. He told me his mom had 4 boys, and he is one of the 3 that have T1. To which I STARTED to mention I have a friend online with the same.....and he just blurted out "OH, MERI right?"

    OMG!! He told me his mom reads your blog!! SMALL WORLD! How cool is that!!?? I just dont think you know what an ANGEL you really are, all across the world!!

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  17. That is such a great and comforting story. Thanks for sharing it.
    CODE: You Rock!

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  18. Wow! I'm crying too. I believe in God but I didn't ever think much about angels. Until D day. I believe in angels now. My own voice told me twice, "Nick is dying." But I couldn't believe that--I blew it off. I put him to bed and tried to watch a movie. I was physically and mentally agitated. I describe it as being shaken by angels who desperately wanted me to WAKE UP. On "intuition" I called Nick's doctor and she's a mom who trusted my intuition. She told me to take him to the ER and that was that. His blood sugar was at 861 and we were sent to Oakland. I can't explain how much comfort I get from knowing that I'm not alone--that he's not alone! I pray all the time that I stay "plugged in" to this other world. I have zero doubt in angels! I love your story, Meri!

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  19. Oh Meri, thank you for sharing this story again. It gave me chills. And then Kelly's comment just did it again! Amazing! <3

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  20. Thank you for sharring Meri! I too believe in angels... and your story proves that they are real.
    *LOVE*

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  21. What a wonderful story to treasure and share. Wow. Major goosebumps.

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  22. I love this story Meri. You're a great writer.

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