Today is the last day of Diabetes Awareness Month. I have blogged for 30 days straight and everyone must wonder, “What could Meri possibly have left to say?”
I wonder the same thing. But deep down I feel a small nudge. Something inside of me says there is something important left to say…and right now I am struggling to find the words.
I think it is so hard, because it is so personal.
The thing is…I don’t think about diabetes much.
Say huh? I know you are staring laser eye darts at the screen right now wondering what the hell I am talking about, but let me tell you…
I don’t think about DIABETES much.
I think about blood sugars. I think about carb counts and food. I think about trends and the safety of my boys. Yes, I think about those things all day long.
But what I don’t think about is what the word Diabetes really does mean to our life.
* How Diabetes affects my boys.
* How it will affect their futures.
* What it means to have this disease branded on to everything they do.
I just think about the day to day. The big picture, well…that is WAY too much for my psyche to handle.
I used to think about Diabetes as a whole. I used to think about it all the time, and that got me into a mess of a depression that took many many months to shake. But I know better now. Obsessing about diabetes and how unfair it is was only toxic to my well being. Thinking about how the highs are messing with my sons’ insides in ways I don’t want to even comprehend…well that is stuff I can’t think about anymore. ‘Cause if I did…I would really be mad. Not angry mad…more like psycho mad.
That is why I’m all cheery and sappy and counting blessings all the time and stuff.
The dark side of diabetes is no good to dwell on.
I have to FORCE myself to look at the bright side of it all. And you know what…there truly is a bright side. I have found that it is SO bright…you can snuff out the darkness if you stay positive and know you are doing your best.
I have always said: You can’t do better than your best.
So as I end this month, I want my readers to know that just because I dwell on the positive, doesn’t mean I am not 100% aware of all the negatives this disease has to throw at me and my sweet boys. Woe is me has gotten me nowhere…it dug me deeper into the abyss of misery and despair, and despite what anyone else says, negativity does not motivate a parent who has a child with Type 1 Diabetes. Sure, sometimes you need to tell people about the negatives to educate properly. That is part of why the “walk to cure” season is so hard for many of us. We are forced to write a letter that makes us look smack into the face of the reality of this disease. The sucky reality, I might add.
It isn’t easy to look diabetes in the face and say, “I know you. I know what you can do, and you scare me.” It isn’t easy, and it isn’t necessary to do every day of the year. Sure, we need to face reality once in awhile to keep us on our toes, but other than that…I choose to stay in my happy place. The place where I love my very best. Do my very best. And hope my very best.
That is where I need to be.
That is where my blog is right now.
So if it seems I’m too blasé about diabetes and how it affects our family…know that deep in the recesses of my swelly brain, I DO know the realities of all of this. But I choose to stuff it, and will continue to…until one day it all comes to the surface and I have to cleanse it off with my tears.
On my bad days, I’ll be here counting my blessings.
On my good days, I’ll be here dripping in happy thoughts.
Because that is truly what “Our Diabetic Life” is all about.