Friday, August 6, 2010

IT exists!

Hands down hardest thing a mom has to deal with? Letting go.

And a T1 mom? Forget about it! Letting go is like, mythological or something…what mother can let go and let their child handle D on their own?

I mean really! ((SNORT))

What kind of mother can do this? A stupid one? A crazy one?

Our kids need to be monitored by us ALL THE TIME!

NO LETTING GO! NO LETTING GO! NO LETTING GO! (Seriously, I think I used to chant this in my sleep…)

So how does a mother, who believes “letting go” is akin to throwing your child in a volcano…let her 12 year old diabetic son go to scout camp…alone…for an entire week?

Beats me…

But I did.

I let him go.

And. He. Lives.

The LOGICAL side of me knew he could do it.

-He has had diabetes for 12 years, and he is 12 years and 8 months old.

-He has had several dry runs. Scout camp with his father there 6 of the 8 days last year. Sleep overs, one night on his own each time. Scout camp-outs, 1 night on his own each time. Sixth grade camp, 3 nights on his own.

-All the dry runs acting as tests…all of which he passed with flying colors.

-He changes his own sets now.

-He counts his own carbs now…even when I’m there!

See! Logically…he was ready!

But mothers are not logical people. Mothers are emotional, protective, worst case scenario messes!!!

And our EMOTIONS hold our children back from being, well…self sufficient.

My emotions have held J back for many many years. I had to come to terms with the fact that this is true. Last year our endo told me, “Meri, you are doing a phenomenal job for J, but it’s J’s turn to shine. He can do this…you just have to LET him.”

So slowly this past year I have given him bits of responsibility here and there.

And slowly but surely…he was ready.

As I said good bye to him last week I wanted to run and scream towards the car with my hands waving above my head like a Muppet…begging him to get out, and stay home. But somehow I found the strength to squash down my emotions and let my logical side take over. (I KNOW! I’m like a Jedi master or something!)

I said goodbye and gave him a big hug. I looked him square in the eye and said, “You are going to be awesome this week.” I hugged him again and walked away…pushing away all the fears that were like rabid dogs trying to break down the door of my sanity.

Turns out my awesominity was rewarded in kind…J called me that night FROM HIS TENT! Turns out he got the highest campsite on the hill…and miracle upon miracle he had cell reception. On a mountain. In the wilderness. People! Do you get the enormity of this!

I’ve slept like a baby this week. J has called me to check in almost every night. He is doing PHENOMENAL!

So here I am, looking like a puffer fish because I am so proud, and marveling at how we got to this point in such a small amount of time. J starting Jr. High FREAKED me out at the beginning of the summer…

But now….he is ready. Which is nothing compared to the fact that, “I” am ready.

I never thought I would be here. I thought this place was unreachable. I thought this place was a fairytale…something irresponsible mothers bragged about.

But it exists friends! It exists!

Is he 100% on his own? HELL NO! I’ll be checking his meter…getting texts from school daily at lunch…double checking he boluses for meals…and of course, doing the 1am check for him.

This is all new ground for us. It was not easy getting here. But we are here in Big Foots proverbial lair.

He is ready. I am ready.

Letting go…it exists! It can be done, and you WILL do it someday! And when you start the process, I hope you will remember that the most neurotic, delusional, over protective mom in the blogosphere said it could be done…and I hope that will give you the strength you need to take your first baby steps towards (gulp!) letting go.


  1. Aw, Meri! I'm so proud of you! I'm not looking forward to seeing my children grow up and having to let go someday, but it's nice to hear that it can be done!

  2. That's completely amazing. But I am not surprised. You are amazing Meri, so of course your boys will follow suit. Congrats. You deserve to puff big and tall!

  3. Three cheers for Meri and three cheers for J! How awesome... I'm so glad to hear that "letting go" exists, I hope to find it one day myself.

    It's not surprising he did so amazing though... look who his Mom is!

  4. Okay meri we are supposed to do that , that is what our job as mothers are to get them ready to take care of themselves and when they are grown they will know that my mom did this for me .

  5. Awww, I'm sitting here with a huge grin - for you and for J. I know it was hard to let him go, but aren't you glad you did!

  6. Oh how I SO needed to hear this!!! J has and is doing wonderfully because of all your hard work Meri - you should be SO very proud of him! And if you can do it -- let go - then surely I can to this week. Thanks, my friend, for giving me the boost I needed. And congratulations to both you and J.

  7. Congrats to both of you! Thanks friend for paving the way yet again. I am going to bookmark this page to be read again in the future.

  8. maybe, just maybe when Isaac is 12 years I'll be ready - I've got hope! Glad everything turned out so well .... of course it would!

  9. Meri.....would you be my BFF? I just love you!

    And I admire you so much. You inspire me to believe that I can teach Matthew, just like you've taught J.

    You are both total rock stars and I want Matthew and I to follow right in your footsteps!

  10. Oh yeah baby - PUFF IT, PUFF IT, PUFF deserve to be all "puffed - up" with pride. You and J are ROCK STARS with us mere mortals in the DOC.

    Your words give me great comfort, as I am already slowly letting go of Joe...and I cannot imagine him a camp none-the-less...without me or Dave. I know I will have the courage when the time comes b/c of people like you.

    And you do have some pretty wicked "Jedi Master Moves" baby!!!

    Have a great weekend friend!

  11. I only have one thing to say...
    You are my H.E.R.O! Love you!

    Okay that was 2 things.

  12. What wonderful news! I'm so glad that BOTH of you are doing so well! You give me inspiration, Meri. I know our day will come - sooner rather than later. Just tonight Avery gave me a dirty look when saw me watching her from inside the house during a party at a friends house because she had just been low and.... It helps to hear from those who go before me. ((hugs))

  13. Meri, you must be so proud of J...and I am so proud of you! He made it because of you and all of your hard work! Pat yourself on the back (just don't go all Jedi on yourself!). I can't imagine myself being at that point with Ally...but I know it will come. And when it does, I will need you to remind me again that it can be done. Awesome job!

  14. Thank you for this. I am a silent reader, but had to break it. I really needed to read this today! I am silently freaking out as I attempt to "let go" and send my daughter off to kindergarten.
    "mothers are not logical people. Mothers are emotional, protective, worst case scenario messes"
    But . . . I will let go and let her grow up

  15. Thank you for the inspiration and hope! It is so hard to imagine that it could be possible to let go..esp when your little one is so dependent (like my 3.5 yr old currently is) on your care. You are, as always, a rock star!

  16. Hi Meri :)

    first off thanks again for checking out my blog and even leaving comments :) I appreciate it!

    secondly GO J and GO YOU! I don't have kids of my own yet so I can only imagine the pride you must feel to see one of your kids be able to take care of themselves and enjoy life. I can also imagine how hard it must be to let go (this does NOT compare AT ALL but it's really hard and weird to me to one of my brothers (who's younger than me) be his own young man now, when I still remember the many times my mom made me talk to him when he was little bc he wouldn't listen to her LOL...but that's as close as I can get so far)

    Growing up and finding one's place in the world is not easy, add D to the mix and it sure complicates things, but to see others thrive regardless is very inspiring to me! Your family, especially your boys are an inspiration!

    thanks again for taking your time to visit my blog I always always enjoy yours.

  17. I love your blog posts and you amaze me that have time to read and comment on all of our blogs. I have gotten to that stage after 4 1/2 years (but who's counting) of diabetes that I am trying super hard to sit on my hands and let Oakley take over on her own.(kinda) I read your post about B (I think it was him) being low in the night and I know the panic you can feel. I have felt - OH, SO MUCH BETTER since my diabetic specialist told me that my child could go low and pass out and be passed out cold for up to 24 hours with ABSOLUTELY NO SIDE EFFECTS!! That has helped SO MUCH when it comes to the lows that scare me! Good luck....keep trucking along! And amaze me!!

  18. Nice! Baby steps. He is growing and shining and HE WILL BE READY when he goes to college or a mission (on his own without you). Unfortunately they do grow up but you are raising 4 great kids.

  19. SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!! WOW! I can't imagine the day....

    But a few short years ago, I couldn't imagine that she'd ever check her own sugar...

    The time how flown.


    I always find hope when I come here for a little java with my pal, Meri :)

  20. SOOO great! I love that this is possible and that you have done it! Very inspirational and you go girl!! J is so very lucky!!

  21. This post spoke to me on so many levels, so I just wanted to say thanks so much (as ever) for sharing your experiences with us, and in such an entertaining fashion.

    Letting go is becoming more and more of a theme in my life, and it was awesome to read this from you. Thank you.


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